I have a new job. Well, technically, it’s an old job but I keep returning to it, not because I love it, but because it’s always there. My most recent stint started in January. I’ve been at it for close to eight months and by all accounts it’s not going very well. I can tell because I’m still working here. My employer rewards good work by letting its employees go as better opportunities come along. You don’t get promoted, you get fired. Everyone is bucking for a firing.

I hate this job. Unlike other jobs that take your current skill set and add to it, making you a more appealing candidate, my new(old) job drills specific talents into you that are only useful in my current position. I’ve learned to write detailed memos that, on the surface, appear to be personalized but are really stock memos with a few key words and phrases changed to fit the receiver of the memo.

I’ve gained the ability to parse through pages and pages of online data, zero in on information pertinent to my search, and quickly turn out the aforementioned memos. I have also learned how to best present myself on paper and in person to catch the attention of the various supervisors who sometimes visit my current job. After I do catch a supervisor’s eye, I’m proficient in producing sincere gratitude in the form of a card.

I guess I should be grateful, the better I am at doing this job, the quicker I’ll get fired, but it feels like it’s taking forever for someone to notice how good I am. Maybe I need to make a little more noise in the workplace, let those visiting supervisors really know who I am and what I can do. According to company newsletters, our employee numbers are lower than last year but still pretty high. I’m still not sure how that effects me, but I’ve made a promise to get fired by the end of August. Let’s see if I can make that happen.

˙ɟlǝsʇı oʇun qoɾ ɐ sı ssǝɔoɹd uoıʇɐɔılddɐ qoɾ ǝɥʇ